Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Which NAtural are You?

Remember those quizzes where you'd find out which Sex and the City character you were? Well, here's one that's just as useful and important--which NAtural are you?

1) The cute guy you're flirting with at the bar offers to buy you a drink. You order:

A) Wine, but only half a glass--you're on a deadline and you have to leave the bar in 10 minutes
B) Champagne, you can afford it
C) A box of wine and ask for a coffee mug to drink it in
D) A gin martini, in and out with the vermouth, please
E) Canadian beer (they don't really make beer anywhere else, do they?)
F) Scotch from one of the distilleries you visited last year

2) Someone just called your bestie a slut on Facebook. To show your wrath, you:

A) Post a scathing, exquisitely well-written treatise on slut shaming which is subsequently shared all over the Internet
B) Name the bitch character in your next bestseller after the name-caller. Revenge is sweet.
C) Make a poison tart and mail it to the name-caller at work, then go have amazing sex with the boy next door. It's all good.
D) Stare at the name-caller's profile pic thinking evil thoughts, one brow arched menacingly.
E) Flip a table.
F) Find out where she lives and karate chop that bitch!

3) You're down to your last $100. You spend it on:

A) Your hair, your nails, and a fantastic pair of boots. You gotta go on tour tomorrow!
B) Cab fare to the bank to get some more hundred dollar bills.
C) Wine and Books--who needs anything more?
D) A blow-out, a pencil skirt, and a pair of peep-toe pumps--maybe someone will buy you a cocktail at Happy Hour.
E) The homeless guy on the corner--he needs it more than you do.
F) A corset, a pair of handcuffs, and a time machine--what, it's research!

4) The stereotype you find yourself most attracted to:

A) Boy with an accent and a heart of gold
B) Billionaire alpha male
C) Boy next door with amazing hair and stamina whom your friends have nicknamed Sugar but they're totes not jealous, no, not at all
D) Boy in a three-piece suit who knows how to dance
E) Boy with chiseled features, longish hair, and a guitar on his back
F) Michael Fassbender. Rawr.

5) Your perfect date:

A) Dinner, a movie, and ice cream in bed (silk scarf on the nightstand)
B) Limousine ride to red-carpet event (you may or may not make it there before he tears your expensive underwear off)
C) Cook Sugar a gourmet meal in your new kitchen, then get so distracted by each other you forget to eat the tiramisu you made for dessert
D) Happy Hour cocktails, slow dancing in a dark corner of a jazz club, extra-curricular activities in the front seat of his vintage car
E) Dinner and a jam session, during which both of you will be called up to perform, which makes you so hot you have to leave early
F) Attend a scotch tasting, a Michael Fassbender movie, come home and tie each other up. Take pics for friends (I added that last part...still hoping she does this)

So, which one of us are you?

Mostly A's: congratulations, you are the supremely gifted and gorgeous Sophia Bleu/Gennifer Albin. But you probably have a book coming out in five minutes, so you're not even on the Internet because you're so disciplined. You only check in to give advice to people and reassure your loving minions you're still alive. Now get back to your tour--fans are waiting!

Mostly B's: congratulations, you are the fabulous BESTSELLING Laurelin Paige, and you just sold a thousand books while you were taking this quiz. It's really unfair that you're also genuinely sweet and beautiful and super generous to your fans and other authors.

Mostly C's: congratulations, you are the lovely, plucky Lucy Stark/Kayti McGee, and not only do you have awesome hair, you can cook like nobody's business, agents seek you out for your brilliance, and you consume a lot of Sugar without ever getting a cavity. You might occasionally get stuck hiding from your boyfriend's family in a basement, but that will make a good story someday...

Mostly D's: hello there, twinsie, you are Melanie Harlow (me)! Your iPod probably has at least one Frank Sinatra song on it, you have equal amounts of high heels and sneakers in your closet, and you like both contemporary and historical stories--as long as the smut is good and the verb tense consistent.

Mostly E's: congratulations, you are the sexy Tamara Mataya! You just wrote six books in six months, so you might be a little tired, but you still have time to edit books for 25 friends, clean up your town after a flood, record a tune, and make everyone laugh. Right after a hot bath. It can get chilly in Alberta, Canada!

Mostly F's: congratulations, you are the beautiful, mysterious Sierra Simone. No one really knows much about you (except that you write scorchingly hot scenes) and you like it that way. It's good to keep people guessing, and a dash of erotic Jane Eyre fanfic here and there is a good thing, you know?

1 comment:

  1. THIS IS SO FREAKING ACCURATE! You know us so well, darling. <3


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