Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Sexy Snuggles

It's snowing and icing and basically being as frigid as possible here in the Midwest, which I've made a point of complaining about as often as humanly possible, but then I thought, what are the good things about being in the middle of winter?  

And then it came to me: sexy snuggles.  

Which inspired me to think about all the other sexy parts of winter:

Sexiest Parts of Winter

  • Sexy snuggles.
  • Thigh high socks
  • A little bit of, um, friendly exploration under the throw blanket while watching television
  • The fire crackling in the background
  • Reading a sexy book under the covers
  • Long hot baths...alone and with a friend
  • Whiskey and Scotch to warm the blood
  • Making out by the light of the Christmas tree
  • Love Actually on all the time
  • Peppermint ice cream
But to every light side, there must be a dark.  And winter is very dark:

Least Sext Parts of Winter:
  • Chapped hands
  • The never-ending runny nose
  • Bulky coats that make noise when you move
  • Cold, wet socks
  • Muddy, snowy footprints all over the floor
  • Egg nog (I'm saying it's not delicious, just that it's not sexy.)
  • Scraping ice off your car
  • Dirty snow at the edge of the road
On that note, stay warm and sexy everyone!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Spoilery Motherfuckers!

If we're friends, chances are you'll have heard me call you this if you've let a spoiler slip. I'm like River Song with a trucker mouth. And I'm SUPER sensitive about this with books. So. Writers.

A blurb is NOT a synopsis.

A synopsis tells us what happens.

A blurb should give us enough information to make us WANT TO KNOW what happens.

It's the difference between running into the bedroom naked, or showing up in sexy lingerie, making them desperate to see what's underneath it.

Naked's hot. But there's no mystery. If I already KNOW what's beneath the (book OR bed) sheets, you're being a SPOILERY MOTHERFUCKER!

This goes for readers - and reviewers - too. DON'T go through the plot and summarize it in your own words, and give away the ending. Don't waste words on summing up the book - it likely has a blurb in the review, or at the top of the page for the reader to see if they are interested. It IS possible to review things without giving the plot away! I promise! THINGS CANNOT BE UNSEEN. Way to kill the mystery.

I started reading a series that had a metric SHIT TON of books in it. I had read over ten books. A patron came into the library and had gotten the newest one - she was about 4 books ahead of me as I'd only started a few months before, and had a lot of catching up to do. She was like, 'Have you read it yet?' I was like, 'No! So PLEASE no spoilers!' She smiled and replied, 'No spoilers. She's still working at _____. Still hasn't chosen between the two love interests.'

If you do this, I hate to break it to you, but 1. THAT IS A SPOILER! and 2. YOU ARE A SPOILERY MOTHERFUCKER!

You can be a spoilery motherfucker just by asking an ill thought out question. You notice someone watching tv, or reading a book. 'Oh, have they found out he's the father yet?'



I realize I sound OCD about this, but I am HYPERSENSITIVE to spoilers. If I know I'm going to read a book, I won't even read the blurb on the back, because all too often they give too much away and I can figure things out. I also won't watch previews to movies I know I'm going to see. Same reason. The previews used to entice. Now they give it all away.

Leave a little mystery. Make me work for it. Don't thrust your things in my face, all out there and revealed. I want to discover the inner workings for myself.

Spoilery Motherfuckers not only ruin it for their friends, but they ruin it for themselves. Because we hate them.

Only you can prevent Spoilery Motherfuckery. 

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