So as a New Adult author, I find myself writing some pretty steamy scenes. Often these moments border on the erotic but I hold myself back, because at the heart of the book, the story is about college kids. Since I was once a college kid, I thought I was prepared to write the smexy. After all, I had a wealth of experience to draw from.
God, I hope my mom never reads this blog.
The problem I've encountered is what the hell to call the girl parts and boy parts. Vagina and penis sounds too clinical.
"She extended her legs into a prone position and offered her vagina to his penis."
No one wants to read that. Unless there's some type of medical student sex fetish site. If there is, I don't want to know. I'm still recovering from my accidental discovery of tentacle porn.
But I digress.
There's also cutesy names like va-jay-jay and bajingo and thingamadoodle.
"He pounded my bajingo with his thingamadoodle until I was whackadoo with pleasure."
And now we know what Dr. Seuss wrote behind closed doors.
Then there's the vague, noncommittal terminologies like "down there" and "him/he."
"He pressed into me, entering me down there."
I think this is the closest to what I do, except less sucky. Why? Because despite my plethora of sexual experience, I can't really remember ever thinking of my vagina as anything specific. I never called it a pussy or a bajingo or down below. I do remember thinking (and saying) things like 'get inside me,' so I'm opting for the noncommittal at this stage of the game. Of course, I'm sure there's a huge market for an adult version of Oh, the Places You'll Go.
(Remember that time I destroyed your childhood? Yeah. That just happened.)